Melting heart.

I fell asleep while we were watching a movie.

Woke up and he was watching me, with a smile on his face.

=)

Little Things that make me SMILE (Part 1)

Finding old notes from friends..

Finding $6 converse at the op shop- in my size!

My beautiful cat.

Experimenting with cooking. Lential Salad- Yum.

Beautiful sunsets.

Dreaming of you and me, waking up all alone, waking up so relieved..

I had a really disturbing dream early this week and I can't seem to shake it out of my mind. The subconscious has a weird way of working, that's for sure.

So here's the dream.

There was some sort of gathering/BBQ happening at my old house- family home. The only people I clearly remember being there was my brother Adam and the guy. It all seemed pretty chilled out and relaxed.

Everyone was outside and I was in the kitchen grabbing something. I turned around and the guy was right in front of me, he pushed me against the kitchen bench and told me he wanted to have sex with me and then cut me into pieces. He then kissed me and smiled.

I somehow had a moment to myself and I quickly grabbed a knife and ran to the bathroom to lock the door and hide.

Instantly, he turned up and forced the locked door open and asked me what I was doing. I'll leave out the graphics- but just say he started to sexually assault me, so I grabbed the knife I had hid up my top and shoved it into his arm. This was the part of the dream that was so real. I could feel the force of pushing the knife into his muscle and flesh, and then pulled it back out again. He simply smiled and said "You wouldn't dare do such a thing" and pulled out a much larger knife than the one I had.

I pushed past him and ran out the front door, straight to my next door neighbours. I banged on the door over and over, but nobody opened. Turn around and he is walking very casually in my direction.

When he got to me and grabbed my arm- I woke up.

It was so distinctly "him" in the dream- it was his voice, mannerism, face.. No room for question. Strange, that someone I have only met once, played such an intense role in my dream.

Post-It-Note Airport..

When heading to the States in July, I found myself with an 8 hour stop over at Sydney airport.

Instead of sitting around, twiddling my thumbs, I took some inspiration from fellow blogger- Colour Me Katie, and filled the airport with positive post-it-notes. It was thrilling to watch the cleaner come along, remove my note to clean the ATM, and then stick it straight back on!!

I stuck the notes in various places- vending machines, toilet doors, on items in the gift shops. I felt like a massive dork, and tried to do it 'stealthy' so nobody would notice what I was doing!

When the others finally showed up- I took them on a tour of my post-it-notes, finding the majority were still floating around some hours later.

The beauty of conversation...

On Sunday, I decided to venture from Coburg to Richmond to have lunch with Adz and Ez.

When arriving at the Coburg train station, I found I was 17 minutes early for the train (or perhaps a matter of minutes late for the previous one- but I am an optimist =) ).

I took a seat and started wishing I had brought my ipod along for the adventure. A young lady (Ange) then sat beside me and smiled. After I smiled politely back, she began a conversation with me, asking where I was headed, what I was up to and we found ourselves chatting until the train arrived.

The thing that startled me the most about this situation was my initial reaction and thoughts throughout the conversation. I wondered what she wanted, I even thought she might be a bit simple (choosing to talk to a stranger could be dangerous) and then I even thought she might be hitting on me. I know that sounds ridiculous. But why does anyone talk to a stranger without a hidden agenda?

But, her sheer friendliness and interest in other people has had me thinking a lot since our conversation. Mostly about human society and how much we keep to ourselves, rarely letting others in and VERY rarely making effort for strangers.

Why did I react the way I did? Why shouldn't we all take a leaf out of Ange's book? We would learn a lot more about others, meet a handful of new people every day and maybe just brighten someones day that little bit more.

5 day weekend

I'm taking a 5 day weekend and I'm pretty excited for it. I get to see some of my favourite people and visit some of my favourite places!

I'm starting today (Thursday) by travelling down the Hume Highway- singing to my Friday playlist.

Tonight will find me heading to watch the boys gig- where I will be catching up with old friends and my crazy cousin. This gig will probably follow with snuggles.

The rest of the actual weekend remains unplanned and I like it this way. Maybe a beach visit? Maybe head back this way for the jazz festival? No matter what we end up doing, I know it will be awesome. I'll upload some photos when I return from whatever adventure.

Due to my upcoming trip- I need to get serious about saving money.. so this means no races for me. What's everyone doing for Melb cup?

VOLUNTEERING IN VIETNAM!

So it's done!

The application has been sent. Will find out in 48 hours if I have been approved and if my dates fit in with their program! Fingers crossed!

I am so excited!

I will be teaching English in a Vietnamese High School while staying with a Vietnamese family.

Can't wait!!

Will most likely update this once my application has been processed!

What to do?

I really don't want to go. I feel a little out of the loop these days, I have the least in common and it is a little awkward hanging out with a bunch of couples on your own... I really want a weekend to myself- get the house clean, get on top of uni etc.

Now, wouldn't it be sweet if I could just say that?

My recent honesty has been working well- yet, in this case, I know I'm dealing with some sensitive personalities, and I do value them as friends.

Do I-

a.) attend, feeling uncomfortable and miss out on getting some rest and much needed work done to make the others happy?

b.) Say exactly what I have written

or

c.) ???????

Smitten

I've been swept off my feet...

Not just by anyone, but by one of my best friends.

And it is amazing. He is amazing. It all makes me incredibly happy.

So much to look forward to..

November has the best weather..

December holds the best parties..

And January will hold the best adventure.

=)

24 hours later

Things are way better already..

Still in debt, neck's still out..

But, generally happy disposition.

=)

And just like that things are starting to look up.

I just found a pay cheque that I hadn't banked yet. sweeeeet.

Now I might lie in bed and watched some TV for the first time in months, wake up fresh tomorrow.

A week's worth of whinging credits all in one blog.

So stuff sucks a tad at the moment.

I have a pile of bills worth more than my current bank balance- meaning my savings for Asia have taken a massive decline and my credit card is about to be hit hard.

I put my neck out, and it's hurting. Chiropractor later in the week if it doesn't improve tomorrow.

My lecturer failed me by 2 marks- after much discussion she gave me 50%- meaning I am just scraping in for a pass.. stressed.

I've lost my passion with work and it's showing.

My living circumstances will be completely different again in about a month- stress.

And a little bummed about other stuff. Nothing massive, but just hasn't helped this week...

I only write a blog like this for me to reflect on. In a week's time, or a month, I will probably read over this, laugh and be glad things are going smoother.. .

Sydneysider

So I spent the last three weeks away in Sydney. Really loved it.

honest thought from an honest girl.

You could say my new years resolution came a little late this year. Well, I don't know what else to call it, but I set a deal with myself a couple of months ago to try and challenge myself.

I think a weak area of my personality is my lack of honesty. Not that I lie- I hate liars- but I think we all avoid the truth from time to time.

We're brought up being taught to be honest. We're also told not to offend others and ALWAYS be considerate of other's feelings. So which of the two takes priority? Because, the way I see it, these two quite often clash.

I believe we become more caught up in protecting others from getting hurt, that the truth takes the back seat and consideration rides shot gun.

So my challenge to myself was to be completely and utterly honest. This doesn't mean telling someone if I don't like them or outright offending people, but, just to put myself and my thoughts out there a little more.

And you know what? It's really liberating. I have never been happier. It's been a hard challenge. At times I've felt sick in the stomach before making phone calls, having heavy conversations- but, I feel the people around me are getting to know me better- and I am knowing myself. When we lie/avoid the truth with others, I think we often lie to ourselves. Agree?

Driving to Sydney

So I figure I will start my 6.5 hour journey very soon.

It's a good thing I enjoy driving...

Feeling a little nervous about the school- not knowing what to expect..

Will try and blog when I get time to update how the whole deal is going!

"When everything good is happening somewhere else"

Really apprehensive about going away...

Not ready. Not wanting to.

I am looking forward to exploring a city I haven't had a lot to do with.

But, I feel really out of my depth with this placement. I feel dumb. I don't want to be stuck 6 hours from home and 9 hours from Melbourne for 3 weeks.

A lot can happen in 3 weeks- and I know this is going to be a challenging and 'shaping' experience. It will be good for me professionally and most likely personally too...

Doesn't mean I'm ready or wanting to go....

head's in a good space..

Pretty content and cruisey at the moment. Things have been stressful.. too much work, too much study, too much thinking.. but everything is starting to feel right.

There is a boy that makes me smile- and that's enough for now.

My future plans are looking so much closer and so much more possible.

I'm feeling really content with my own company again. Have balanced out the social life/alone time quite well.. scared myself for awhile- couldn't stand being alone.

While I'm still frustrated in this town.. I have accepted it's the way it has to be for now, and the countdown till I can leave is on!!

=)

Lonely and dreaming of the west coast..

I really kinda hate this feeling and I have no idea how I've ended up here to be honest.

It's a really distant, misplaced feeling...

-Not sure what I mean to people around or what I have meant in the past...

-Missing the closeness and comfort..

-Lacking a 'best friend..'

- Frustrated at being stuck in this town

- Not ready for another three weeks away with everything up in the air- really not helping the insecurities about the whole deal..

- Making a conscious effort to be chilled. Doesn't that contradict what being chilled is all about?

Head's just in a bad place at the moment.. I think I know what would put it in a better place... 2 different ways it could go..

"Take into account that great love and great achievements involve great risk."

Crush

It's official. My crushless period is over. Short lived. I didn't want to part with it, but you can't plan life.

Crushing, crushing, crushing....

health kick..

I am seriously starting a full on health kick come Monday. And no, I'm not trying to put it off by choosing Monday, it's just realistic. I can't start a health kick prior to a massive house party, can I?

So, come Monday- daily exercise (which I have been doing, but it's going up a notch), healthy food and I'll start to feel great again! Oh, oh, oh!!! And- I'm going to give up caffeine again!! Been drinking way tooooooo much and I think it may be the main thing affecting my sleeping pattern.

And, tragically- I think it's time to cut back on the booze a little bit!! Not cut it out, not hold back, but maybe save it for events! This will also help in the 'saving money' process.

That is all. I will update my progress.

"Because of our routines we forget that life is an ongoing adventure." (Maya Angelou).

This week is awesome

Finally found out where I am teaching in September- bit scared. The school is so elite.. Not sure it will fit with my usual teaching style, but looking forward how this can shape me as a teacher!!

Op shop had the 'fill a bag for $2 sale'!

Trial Kennedy played a rad set last night- and once again, hung out for beers- they are seriously too nice.

Bought some kick arse artwork.

Found $20 in my car.

Added Nepal to my Asia trip.

The weather is warmer. :-)

Scored a second job!! Not that I should work any more than I am- but it means more money, means more travel- and opens more options. :-)

AVID tutorials begin. I'll be working with a Year 9 AVID class- can put it all into practice.

House is more settled.

House warming is Saturday- my closest friends and favourite people are all coming (the ones who are in OZ)!!

Found out teaching in the UK is most likely going to happen.

All this= Happy Meegz :-)

*sigh*

You don't tell someone in a standard, mediocre conversation that you are getting close with their ex...

Pretty simple, really??

I thought so anyway.

Always look on the bright side of life...

In better news. The op shop was having a sale today. Fill a bag for $2. I love my new reversible jacket. It makes me feel Icelandic. :-)

MONDAY, MONDAY, MONDAY

EVERYTHING IS GETTING TO ME TODAY!!

I have been soooo chilled despite a number of things going wrong- and now, they have all just got the better of me!

Leaking washing machine, No vacuum???, blown light bulbs.. All small and trivial- I know!

But then house warming this weekend- where's this BBQ? Lights? Music? And all these jokes about house trashing- starting to worry!

Bond, rent, bills...

Empty house every night..

Teaching away for three weeks- BUT WHERE?????

Money, working toooooo many hours for my work load!

FUCK. Just let me get on top of everything and I will be back to my usual, smiling self!! I hope!

Why not?

I surround myself with friends who, instead of asking, "Why?" are quick to say. "Why not?" That attitude is contagious.

6 months later..

It's been 6 months without him now and wow has that been a lot of time to reflect, focus and appreciate everything!

It is amazing that we let each other go so easily, not because we didn't care about each other... But, because we cared about each other enough to know it was the right thing to do.

Of course I still miss him, but life is good and mostly, everything is how it should be.

:-)

LISTOGRAPHY

While in the States, I bought a book called Listography. It’s set up to be similar to a journal, but in the simple form of lists.

I thought it might be fun to include lists in my blog. So I chose a random page to include here.

LIST THINGS YOU THINK EVERYONE SHOULD DO IF MONEY IS NOT AN ISSUE (wow, big topic- so here’s three ideas):

1. TRAVEL THE WHOLE WORLD

2. Sky dive.

3. Volunteer in a 3rd world country

This is a list that will take a lot of thought… Everyone should add their own!!

The place I can't get out of my head...

If you don’t have a dream… How can you have a dream come true?